100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange
by Padfoot the Better Marauder
Summary: Chapter 4 is up The name says it all. A personal fantasy of mine. I really need to write this, even though I don't believe Sirius is dead.
1. Dementors and Immortality

100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange  
  
by Padfoot the Marauder  
  
A/N: This was inspired by a forum entry in a forum I belong to. Here's the site, if you'd like to see it. http://pub228.ezboard.com/fsiriusblackfanclubfrm23.showMessage?topicID=130.topic  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and other related material. They belong to J.K. Rowling, etc.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Dementors and Immortality  
  
1/100  
  
Dementors grabbed a woman by her hands. She was fighting, struggling, to escape them, memories spinning in her quickly. The day she, Bellatrix Lestrange, performed the Cruciatus Curse on the Longbottoms, the day when Voldemort threatened to kill her because she had failed him, and the day when she murdered her own cousin, Sirius Black.  
  
She collapsed. She could not take it anymore. Coldness surrounded her. She needed something to revive her, but she could not get it herself.  
  
She felt something warm trickling down her throat, and two, bony fingers ran across her cheek. She knew what happened.  
  
A few Dementors, that Dumbledore had somehow convinced to stay his ally, had given her immortality potion. A potion to be long lost, created by none other than Rowena Ravenclaw herself.  
  
The instructions were supposed to be burned in a wildfire, but they were not. Godric Gryffindor had done everything to get his hands on it, he had succeeded. He gave the instructions to his only daughter, until it passed many generations and eventually reached Dumbledore.  
  
Voldemort knew of this potion. It was the only thing that could give him everlasting victory. He had tried to get it. But Dumbledore had heavily guarded it, and the ancient magic Gryffindor had placed on the instructions weren't helpful.  
  
That was her mission, eighteen years ago; she had tried to get the instructions, and failed. Voldemort was ready to kill her, but had pitied her in the last moment.  
  
Bellatrix had the feeling Dumbledore would appoint those two dementors as her bodyguards. She would wander on earth, forever, remembering every bitter memory she had. She knew she'd eventually be insane.  
  
But she didn't care. She was faithful to her master, that was enough for her. She had killed Sirius, and that made her feel fuzzy in her stone cold heart.  
  
But the happiness was whisked away. The dementors would not let her be happy. But she had come out of Azkaban, just as sane as she was when she got there. She was a survivor. It would take Dumbledore a long time to satisfy his needs.  
  
Dumbledore had given her the punishment. He decided that she didn't deserve sanity. He wanted to take it away from her, like she did to the Longbottoms. And he wanted her to feel pain. Pain like Harry and Remus felt, for killing the person they loved.  
  
A wicked smile spread upon her face. She was not going to give into Dumbledore. She was going to stay sane, and survive.  
  
But under the power of the dementors, the smile left as fast as it came.  
  
A/N: What do you think? The next chapters won't be this angst-y though. They'll be more like "Bellatrix in Nutterland". But there will be another angst-y chapter once in a while. R&R! 


	2. Starring Bellatrix as Barney

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and other related material belongs to J.K. Rowling. 

100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange 

by Padfoot the Marauder 

Chapter Two: Starring Bellatrix as Barney 

2/100 

"Barney!" squealed a three year old, as he saw Bellatrix Lestrange in her new uniform, a stupid replica of a purple dinosaur, without the smiling Barney head. 

"I'm not Barney, you son of a b****!" she screamed at him. 

"You sound like Mummy when she plays with Daddy 'Throw Plates'," noted a five year old. 

"Aren't you too old for Barney?" Bellatrix asked the five year old. 

"No," she replied. 

A two year old girl walked up to Bellatrix, and wrapped herself around Bellatrix's fat, purple leg. 

"I love Barney!" she said, and sucked her thumb. 

Bellatrix shook her leg, _hard_, and sent the girl flying all the way across the room. The girl was screaming hysterically. A small crowd of kids gathered around her, and the five year old screamed "Somebody call a Mummy!" as the director ran into the room. 

He turned to Bellatrix. 

"What happened, Bellatrix?" he asked, concerned. 

"The girl was running around, screaming 'Barney' and she bumped into the wall," she fibbed. 

"That happens once in a while," the director said. "Get over-excited from meeting their hero." 

"She's lying!" the five year old screamed. "She ran to Barney and Barney kicked her." 

"She's got quite a vocabulary," Bellatrix noted. "And a big imagination to match." 

"Don't worry, I believe you, you're the adult here. Think I'd believe a kid?" the director laughed. "Now we better rush her to a hospital. Her nose is broken." 

"Dear, dear," Bellatrix said, putting on her Barney hat. When the hat was rested on her shoulders, she grinned widely. 

"We air in thirty seconds," the director said, as he gave the girl to her mother, who was sobbing uncontrollably. 

Bellatrix ran to the stage. 

"Thirty. Twenty-Nine. Twenty-Eight." 

Three teenagers slowly crept into the audience. Bellatrix saw jet black, messy hair, flaming red hair, and bushy, brown hair. 

_It's Potter and his stupid friends_, Bellatrix thought. _I'll kill them after the show, Master will be pleased. _

"Three. Two. One. We're airing the show!" 

"Hi! I'm Bar-" Bellatrix's words were cut short by the two wizards and a witch, who were throwing tomatoes and onions at her. 

"Avada Kedavra!" she screamed at them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

There was no flash of green light. Her wand was in Dumbledore's office in Hogwarts, how could she forget? 

The audience stared at her, open-mouthed. Dumbledore had arrived, and he was scolding Potter and his friends. 

The director ran up to the stage.

"This episode of 'Barney Live!' has been canceled. If you want to be Barney in next week's 'Barney Live', call I LOVE BARNEY."

The director turned to face Bellatrix.

"Dear, dear," he mocked. "You did hit the girl. You are crazy, mad and insane. I've seen nutters that yelled 'Avada Kedavra' before. Said that I'm a 'muggle', whatever that is. Now, to St. Brutus's Center for the Incurably Insane."

He ordered a taxi to take Bellatrix (who kept smacking him in the face) there, and shoved her into the taxi. Bellatrix gasped when she saw who the taxi driver was.

"Mad-Eye Moody!" she gasped

A/N: Bad cliffhanger. I know. R&R. Next chapter will be more interesting, I promise. -Padfoot the Marauder


	3. Baby Bellatrix

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to him in any possible way, so be a dear and leave me alone.

100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange

3/100

Baby Bellatrix

A/N: Bellatrix will have a lisp here, so if you see words that seem gibberish, turn the "th" into a soft "c" or "s".

"No more Mr. Nice Guy," Bellatrix muttered under her breath, she slowly took her hand out, and gently pulled Moody's wand from his pocket. She raised it behind her head.

"Avada Kedav-" but the wand turned into an old, short, wooden stick.

"No!!!" she wailed like a five year old.

Mad-Eye chuckled. "The fine wandwork of the Weasley twins… fake wands."

"What?" Bellatrix yelled. "You mean I was outsmarted by a pair of blood traiting Weasleys who didn't even finish school?"

"I believe you were."

"Wah!!!!!!! I want home!" 

"Well, soon you'll be in your new home. St. Brutus's Center for Incurably Insane. Do a good job on Muggles, those faithful people in white robes. You'll be the first witch there."

"Only muglels and no withes? I wan Mummy!"

"Muglels? Withes? Wan?"

"Yeah, wath wrong with it?"

"Nothing."

"I wan MUMMY!"

"Mummy's visiting her son in law in Azkaban today."

"Uncle Luthy?"

"Us. Lucius."

"No. He'th Luthy. That'th what my big brother Narthitha callth him"

"Brother?"

"Oopth, I meant thithter."

"Ah, I see. So your sister calls him Lucy?"

"Yeth, but my hot blond nephew callth him father and I will call him father too."

"Oh."

"But that Tonkth babe (they thay she'th my neithe) callth him thinking baboon."

"Thinking?"

"NO! I meant thmelly thinking."

"Aha."

"And that cute guy, Siriuth, he callth him f***ing son of a b****."

"So you like Sirius and Draco?"

"Yep. They're hot."

"And you call Tonks a babe?"

"Yep."

"I see."

"Well, when are we going to my new home?"

"Here we are."

"Oh I love you Ken."

Moody walked out of the car, took Bellatrix's hand and started toward St. Brutus's, Bellatrix drooling over the thought of Draco (Malfoy).

A/N: Review! I had an urge to make Bellatrix Incurably Insane, so I did so. Next chappie: Bellatrix in St. Brutus's. Something you won't want to miss. And: the thank yous to reviewers: the wonderful **Caranardaiel,** the magnificent **Lebbie Black**, the superb **Ocean Goddess**, **Luna Quibbler **the great, the wonderful **kantoman**,the magnificent **girlygirl415**, the superb anonymous **radiogrrl**, and (anonymous) **Hywel (don't ask)** the great.__


	4. Bellatrix's Date

**A/N:** Well...... I finally updated!!! 19 reviews for 3 chapters, not bad. I missed all of my wonderful reviewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hugs them randomly and (done by Caranardaiel's request) I give you-

**100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange**

**Bellatrix's Date**

"Hello. I'd like to reserve a place for Bellatrix Lestrange."

That's when she saw him.

He was the hottest human on earth.

Sure, he didn't have much of a neck, and was _slightly _overweight, but she didn't mind.

The blond hair and muscles was what made her so attracted to him.

He was perfect.

And he was coming _her _way!!!

She quickly smoothed out her hair, hoping she looked beautiful.

"Hello," he said. "I'm Dudley Dursley."

_Of course you are, you huge hot hunk!_ Bellatrix thought.

"I'm Bella," she said shortly, not telling him her real name in case it was on the Muggle news. "Wanna go out?"

"Sure, hottie," the hunk was FLIRTING with her!!!

"Bellatrix." Came Mad-Eye's gruff voice. "I'll show you to your room."

"Just a moment, Maddy, I'm mingling with the crowd." Bellatrix couldn't take her eyes off the Hunk. He was as hot as Draco, if not even more.

"No you don't lassie, you're coming with _me!"_

"Ok, ok. Don't get your knickers in a twist." Bellatrix followed Mad Eye.

Moody led her through long passageways, and they passed by many, many doors.. After 7 turns left, 3 turns right, Moody stopped, took out a key, and unlocked her door.

"This is your room," he said, and left.

It was perfect. All covered in green and black, her two favorite colors. A huge and comfy bed. A huge tub. Even loads of Muggle stuff she could ask the Hunk to tell her what they are.

She left her room, locked it, then went to search for the Hunk, who was in the cafeteria, next to another person.

"Hey, Bella, baby," he greeted her. "This is my father, Vernon."

"Pleasure to meet you Vernon," Bellatrix told the Hunk's dad.

"So," Dudley said. "Why are you here? I mean, why did they bring you here? They brought Dad here because he had a habit of imagining ghosts, and I smoked too many fags."

"Fags?"

"Cigarettes. Thin things you light up and smoke."

"Oh."

"So why are you here?"

"Screamed Avada Kedavra at a 5 year old." Vernon's eyes grew wide with fear. "Honestly, Mug-I mean, people these days. Just scream a bit of blah at a 5 year old and you get whisked away."

"Duddy-kins," Vernon said slowly. "This woman is a witch. Take your things and run!"

There was no Muggle on Earth that feared magic after they knew about it. But, as people in Voldemort's inner circle knew, there was-

"Dudley and Vernon Dursley," Bellatrix said softly. "Harry Potter's uncle and cousin."

"RUN!" screamed Vernon.

"No, it's ok," Bellatrix tried to help them calm down. "I hate the Potter brat too. And I don't have my wand here."

Vernon relaxed.

"So, how did you meet the Potter brat?" Vernon said.

"Had the pleasure of torturing him and murdering his godfather," Bellatrix said plainly, like things like that happened every day.

"His stupid godfather he's always talking about? The escaped convict?" Dudley asked.

"Yes... but he didn't murder 13 people with one curse, didn't have enough strength to do it. Was always a chicken, that Sirius. It was Pettigrew who murdered them." 

"You knew his godfather?" Vernon asked.

"He was my cousin," Bellatrix said. "But he was always too thick and too stupid. Him and Andromeda, my sister, were the rotten eggs of the family."

"Oh."

"Everybody!" yelled a man in white robes. "Time to go to bed!"

Bellatrix groaned as she walked to her room, and got into bed.

Once she was in bed, she felt her entire body aching, like somebody was squeezing her very tight, but she was used to pain. She fell asleep very soon.

In the morning, she immediately went to the cafeteria, were she sat down with the Hunk and his dad.

As soon as his dad left, she and the Hunk's faces grew closer, and closer-

"Lestrange!" a familiar gruff voice bellowed. "I'm taking you away."

It was Mad-Eye, coming to ruin her life.

Again.

She had no choice. She knew Mad-Eye would hex her if she didn't listen to him.

She followed her to his taxi.

**A/N:** I know, I know, this chapter sucks, but it was the longest! And don't worry, next chapter will be better than this one! I promise!


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